3:15
by thattheatrenerd24601
Summary: 3:15 is the worst time in any hospital. Holby is no different. In which Jac and Zosia become acutely aware of how important they are to one another (possibly OOC but to be fair it's my fic )


The worst time on any ward is 3:15am. The coffee has long since worn off and the adrenaline hit of the home straight hasn't kicked in yet. Everybody from the top consultant to the youngest F1 has reached the "I-Don't-Want-To-Be-Here-Let-Me-Sleep" stage, only to be cured by a strong, preferably black, coffee from the staff coffee machine. However, this morning, Oliver Valentine had earned himself the title of most hated on the ward as he had broken the coffee machine, leaving the staff to choose between the murky excuse for coffee given to visitors or, the lesser of two evils, no coffee at all.

It was at this stage that Jac Naylor arrived this particular morning, her face set in its trademark scowl as she swept through the corridors to her office, slamming the door behind her.

"Naylor's on form this morning then?" Ollie smirked over the desk to Zosia who just rolled her eyes and scowled at the man facing her.

"Shut up Ollie," Zosia snapped before instantly feeling guilty at the flash of hurt which hit Ollie's eyes, if only for a split second. As if he had seen Zosia's guilt, Ollie instantly turned the situation comical, raising his hands in a surrender and ducking under the desk, whimpering pathetically,

"Please don't shoot Dr March, it will never happen again I swear, put the gun down,". Ollie's playful antics coaxed a faint smile onto the woman's face and she visibly relaxed.

"You're an idiot valentine," she muttered, but there was no malice behind the words and Ollie knew she didn't mean it. Still, any excuse for melodramatics was good enough for him as he climbed to his feet and clutched his heart,

"You wound me Zosia, you truly do,"

Zosia was about to tell Ollie that she'd show him what wounding him felt like if he didn't stop pratting about when her pager went off and she slammed back into reality.

"Duty calls," she said over her shoulder as she began in the direction of teenage girl who'd been brought in late the previous day. She'd barely taken a few steps when the urgency of the page became apparent as she caught sight of the girl writhing around in the bed. Zosia broke into a run calling for Ollie over her shoulder, the extra footsteps which arrived shortly after she called confirming his arrival were very much welcomed. The girl was white as the sheets strewn around her and her chest was heaving as she gasped for breath. People were beginning to stare so Ollie quickly drew the curtains around her, hiding all three of them from prying eyes.

"Doctor March?" Zosia heard Ollie's voice but didn't register it properly as the face of the petrified girl on the bed morphed into her own. She knew exactly what was going on and how to fix it but it was as though somebody had bound her arms behind her back and fixed her feet to the ground. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She couldn't breathe.

"Zosh?" Ollie's voice was softer now, but still insistent as he saw the blood pressure monitor going into overdrive as the girl on the bed continued to hyperventilate while Zosia seemed unable to function. Time for desperate measures.

"Jac!" Ollie bellowed, praying that the consultant's office walls were thin enough for him to be heard.

His prayer were answered by the tapping of heels, which were almost synonymous with Jac Naylor, growing steadily louder until the woman herself opened up the curtain. Her eyes scanned the situation rapidly and before Ollie could even speak Jac had held up a hand to silence him.

"Get her out of here, sit her down in my office, don't leave her alone, don't ask questions I've got a patient here. Sit her down and stay with her is that clear?"

Ollie nodded dumbly and went to put an arm around Zosia's shoulders only to be smacked around the side of the head by Jac.

"Lift her up for crying out loud, she's in no state to be walking anywhere. Seriously what kind of boyfriend are you?"

Ollie's brow furrowed,

"I'm not- we're not..."

"Move!"

Ollie scooped Zosia into his arms and followed his superior's instructions without another murmur, realising that he had far outstayed his welcome.

The moment Ollie and Zosia had gone Jac knelt at the side of the bed, wincing slightly, and grasped the hand of the girl on the bed, forcing eye contact between them,

"Hello Cara, do you know who I am?"

Cara shook her head, still gasping for breath,

"Okay, I'm Jac Naylor, I'm a cardiothoracic consultant on this ward okay?,"

"Am... I ... Am I going to... to... die?" The girl wheezed, fear radiating from her in waves.

"No, you're going to be fine. You're having a panic attack, they're really scary but they won't hurt you I promise,"

"How do you know?" She squeaked between gasps,

"Firstly, I'm a doctor, I'm trained to do all this and secondly," Jac paused and looked around quickly,

"I've had a few panic attacks in my time so I know how horrible they are but you're going to be okay. Now I need you to breathe with me, can you do that?"

Cara nodded,

"Good girl, nice and slowly, in... and out... that's it, in... and out... you're doing so well,"

Eventually, the girl's breathing began to even out and colour began to rise in her cheeks, the fear fading from her eyes. Jac gave the teenager a rare smile, tucking her fiery hair behind her ear in a slight display of vulnerability.

"You okay now?"

Cara nodded and Jac squeezed her hand one last time before slowly getting to her feet to leave,

"Miss Naylor?"

"Yes Cara,"

"Is that other doctor okay, the lady?"

Jac swallowed, ironing out the wobble she knew would come when she spoke about Zosia

"I'm going to check on her n-"

"Don't tell her off,"

Jac frowned, whatever response she had been expecting, that wasn't it and then, when she spoke, what came out her own mouth wasn't what she'd expected either.

"I care about Doctor March very much Cara, I have a feeling that she wasn't feeling very well earlier as I know that she is an impeccable doctor. So ease your mind, I promise I won't tell Doctor March off,"

The girl smiled at her doctor who returned the gesture before going to leave once more,

"Oh and Miss Naylor?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

Jac paused, a lump rising in her throat as she wondered how many other people would actually care enough to ask her that question and care about the answer. Part of her wanted to be honest but he knew that she couldn't unload her issues onto a 15 year old, least of all a 15 year ol patient who had just come out of a panic attack,

"I'm okay," she smiled wanly at the young girl who looked sceptical but left the matter, much to Jac's relief, as she waved and headed back to her office.

The consultant sighed before entering her office, knowing that this next encounter was not going to be an easy one for a multitude of reasons. However, she was Zosia's boss and Zosia's friend as much as she might not admit it and hence had a duty of care. She had to do this, she had to ignore these feelings and be professional and do what was best for Zosia.

"Zosia?" Jac cursed herself for the slight crack in her voice as she opened the door to her office. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light of her office in comparison to the brightness of the ward, especially as Mo was off today. She saw Zosia huddled in the chair and rushed to her, lifting her chin up gently so she could ensure that everything was okay, or as okay as possible considering the circumstances.

"I'm sorry Jac," the younger doctor whispered, her voice barely audible.

"Don't be ridiculous Doctor March," Jac frowned as she realised an absence,

"Where's Doctor Valentine?"

"He said that I'd be okay in here, he stayed until I could breathe properly,"

The famous Naylor scowl set into it's creator's face and cold hard fury roared in her eyes,

"I told him to stay with you. Is he utterly, completely incompetent? Is he a total moron? Well evidently he is! I'm going to kill him,"

Jac had leapt to her feet and was pacing back and forth across the room, ignoring the growing pain in her head as she had been all morning.

"Calm down Jac, I'm okay, he didn't need to stay with me, I don't even know what happ-"

"You had a goddamn panic attack that's what happened! Doesn't he have any idea how terrifying they are? Well of course he doesn't, he wouldn't have any idea would he? Utter, utter prat!"

Zosia raised her head slightly, looking at the furious consultant in front of her, the older woman's fists had begun to shake now and Zosia was starting to get worried,

"How do you know?"

Jac stopped, stock still.

"I'm sorry?" She snapped. Zosia swallowed, determined to hold her nerve

"I said how do you know how bad panic attacks are?"

Jac's mind race for an excuse but she drew a blank. Why couldn't she think? And for christ sake why did her goddamn head hurt so much? Zosia saw Jac struggling to respond and decided to push a little further, delve deeper into the enigma of her boss.

"And why do you care so much? If Ollie had frozen up like me you'd have killed him, if Jasmine ha-"

"Doctor Burrows is a completely different matter,"

Zosia knew she had to tread carefully now, the walls of Fort Naylor were beginning to rise again so her next moves were imperative.

"Why do you care about me Jac?"

"I... I..." tears were beginning to well in icy blue eyes. Jac had worked so hard to keep this secret, these feelings that just wouldn't go away. She'd kept her distance enough so that she wasn't caught but not so much that it aroused suspicion. She'd cared from afar, slipped a hint that maybe we should all go for a drink if she saw that Zosia looked like she needed a pick me up. She'd been so careful. And dammit why wouldn't her head stop throbbing!

"Jac?" Zosia's voice was laced with concern as she slowly walked towards her senior, every move had to be calculated, measured, or else she felt sure that Jac would bolt.

"Jac look at me,"

Their eyes met and a tear broke ranks, slipping down Jac's cheeks, she hastily scrubbed at it, despising herself for this weakness. As she reopened her eyes, Zosia's face swam before her, white dots obscuring her vision as a sudden surge of pain caused to gasp.

"Jac what's the matter?"

The older woman clutched the filing cabinet as she squeezed her eyes shut,

"Nothing, I'm fine"

"Jac don't give me that cra-"

Jac's legs buckled beneath her as she crumpled, clutching her head, still desperately trying to suppress any kind of vocalisation of her pain. Zosia scrambled to Jac's side, now with absolutely no doubt that something was wrong,

"Can I get some help in here?!" She yelled despite weak protest from the woman huddled on the floor,

"Zosh?" Jac's voice came out as a groan but still coherently,

"Yes?"

"I hit my head on my dashboard this morning," she paused as the pain rippled through her head once again,

"Some guy rammed into the back of me-"

Zosia swallowed the tears bubbling inside of her,

"Why didn't you get it checked out, why didn't you say something?"

"I thought I was okay, I was okay,"

"And now you're not,"

"And now I-"

A whimper escaped Jac and she gritted her teeth furiously as Zosia's face grew more concerned. The apocalyptic pain in her head, growing steadily worse also brought the idea that she could actually die. If this was a bleed and she didn't get into theatre quickly, there was a very real chance that she could die.

"Zosia, I need to tell you something," Jac fumbled for the younger woman's hand and clasped it as thought it were her last link to humanity. Zosia frowned at this sudden desire for contact but looked into Jac's icy blue eyes.

"I don't know if I'm going to live though this,"

Zosia felt the lump rising once again and she shook her head fiercely,

"No, no, you're going to be fine... where is everybody? CAN I GET SOME HELP IN HERE!'

Jac winced at the sound but swallowed,she had to get this out, if she was going to die then Zosia had to know this,

"Zosia please, just listen,"

Zosia's lip began to tremble and she complied,

"If I die, you promise you'll look after Emma? She can't go into care, I won't have i-"

"Why me?"

Jac swallowed, she could barely see now and the pain was beyond unbearable but she would be damned if she was going to die without telling Zosia how amazing she was...

"I love you,"

"You..." Zosia barely had time to comprehend what Jac had just said when finally, of all the people in the hospital, Jasmine opened the door.

"Oh my go-,"

"GET HELP!"

Jasmine nodded fiercely before sprinting down the corridor, quickly returning with Serena who paled slightly at the sight of Jac crumpled on the floor,

"Okay, let's get her up, Jac can you hear me? Jac? Dammit she's unconscious okay... Burrows, March help me carry her, we'll need a CT scan now- anybody else can wait this is an emergency,"

The three women lifted Jac and carried her to a trolley, she'd barely been placed down before the trolley was racing down the corridor to CT, Zosia explaining all she knew to Serena as they went. Before opening the doors, Serena paused,

"Doctor Burrows you take Miss Naylor through and get her prepped, I'll follow you through in a moment,"

Jasmine nodded diligently, concern prominent in her face. Despite their tenuous relationship, Jac was her sister and Jasmine was terrified.

"Doctor March your shift is over,"

Zosia raised an eyebrow incredulously,

"Do you really think that matters right now? Ja- Miss Naylor is in there right now and she could be dying, you're mad if you think I'm going home,"

"I'm not suggesting you go home. I'm instructing you to go and wait in Miss Naylor's office until I come and fetch you-"

"But-"

"I might need you for surgery, so you're going to need some sort of rest, am I understood?"

Zosia smiled weakly at Serena, mashing her lips together in a last ditch attempt to stop herself from crying,

"I'll keep you informed Doctor March," Serena said kindly before disappearing into CT.

It had been hours. Zosia hadn't bothered to count how many but she'd seen at least one shift change since she'd left Serena at CT. It hadn't occurred to her until now that Serena had probably sent her to Jac's office partly because it was closest but mostly because nobody would bother her in here; if people knew that Jac was in surgery, they'd assume her office to be empty and if they didn't then, nobody was going to willingly go into Jac Naylor's office.

Jac _loved_ her

Zosia had made no secret of the fact that she found Jac attractive; she wasn't blind, but she had never considered the concept of an actual relationship and, surprisingly enough, she quite liked the idea. Waking up to fiery hair splayed across her pillow, those icy eyes softening as they gazed at each other.

But she might never see those eyes again.

Oh god.

Zosia was dragged from her thoughts by Bernie poking her head around the door. She looked exhausted and Zosia's stomach lurched.

"Is she," she couldn't finish as her throat seemed to close up and tears filled her eyes.

"She's alive, sleeping at the moment but alive. She's past the worst,"

Bernie wasn't a person who really did hugs but as she saw Zosia visibly slump with relief, she quickly wrapped her arms around the doctor and just let her cry, gently rocking her back and forth as she sobbed.

"That's it, let it all out, its okay,"

Zosia cried herself dry in Bernie's arms before gently detaching herself and wiping her eyes.

"Can I see her?"

Bernie nodded gently, leading the way to Jac's ward. When they arrived, Serena was sat by her bedside, clasping her hand. Zosia had to bite back jealousy at the sight, despite being well aware that Serena's heart belonged the blonde woman beside her. Her jealousy faded as she saw that Serena was crying, murmuring under her breath. Zosia turned to Bernie, who looked to be about to go over, and gently touched her arm, silently entreating her to give her a moment with Serena. Bernie looked reluctant, but nodded, slipping back out the door while Zosia slowly walked towards the bed. As she got closer, Serena's words became more audible and Zosia had to fight back a laugh as she heard,

"Jac you do this again and I will kill you myself you understand?"

It was the occasional cracks that gave away Serena's fragility and the younger doctor knew that she was would have to be gentle.

"Mrs Campbell?"

Serena started before realising it was Zosia and relaxing,

"Are you okay Zosia?"

She nodded, she didn't quite trust herself to speak again for fear her tears should betray her but she knew Serena understood. The older doctor smiled faintly as she got to her feet, squeezing Zosia's shoulder as she left,

"Take the day off tomorrow Zosh,"

"Bu-"

"-Shut up,"

Zosia's jaw dropped and Serena laughed lightly as she left.

"Did you hear that Jac? Serena just told me to shut up? You're rubbing off on her huh?"

She knew that Jac was asleep and wouldn't respond but that didn't make it any easier. Zosia was used to having every remark matched with a sarcastic comeback so this silence was just wrong.

"Jac, i don't know if you can hear me. But, about what you said earlier? I've been thinking about it and, I think I might feel similar. I'm not sure I love you yet, but I think I might be able to. I'm surprised I didn't realise sooner. But I think I might be falling in love with you Jac,"

"I don't have a bloody clue why,"

A hoarse voice came from the bed and Zosia nearly fell off her chair,

"Jac!" She almost squealed and Jac winced,

"Jesus Christ keep your voice down, I feel like my head got run over by a truck,"

Zosia looked at the pale woman on the bed and felt her bottom lip begin to tremble again,

"No, fuck, no don't cry. I can't hug you at the moment, fuck, stop, don't cry,"

Zosia couldn't help but giggle at Jac's total ineptitude when it came to dealing with her emotions,

"Wow, If I'd known that all it took to make you laugh were a couple of f-bombs I'd have dropped them in sooner,"

Zosia laughed again before frowning a little. She reached for Jac's hand and squeezed it.

"I meant what I said, I think, I think maybe we could work,"

Jac looked up at Zosia with a weak smile, her eyelids flickering as the next dose of pain meds kicked in,

"I love you Zosh,"

"I think I might love you too Jac,"


End file.
